


Blue Raspberry

by wheel_pen



Series: Darkwood Eastport [4]
Category: Lie to Me (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fish out of Water, Magic, Polygamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 19:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3621804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheel_pen/pseuds/wheel_pen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cal and Eli go through their junk mail and discuss the alarming persistence of food dyes in American society.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blue Raspberry

**Author's Note:**

> The bad words are censored; that’s just how I do things. I own nothing and appreciate the chance to play in this universe. I’ve given a lot of thought to the Darkwood culture, so if something seems confusing, feel free to ask. I hope you enjoy!

_Year one, summer_

Cal was sorting through his mail in the mailroom of the counseling center, marveling at the wide variety of objects that were sent through the United States Post Office. People in the Valley sent letters and packages to each other, of course, but they were instantly delivered from giver to recipient by the servants—no centralized institution, no delays, no rules really. And no advertising or other junk mail, either. All the bright colors, slick paper, eye-grabbing headlines enticing him to buy completely inappropriate medical supplies… It was delightful. He made a note to bring the latest batch home and have it sent to the Valley on the next ship. His relatives would get a kick out of seeing it.

Cal glanced up as Eli entered, also looking for his mail. The younger man pulled an impressive pile out of his box and looked through it with more distaste than Cal had. “Capitalism run amuck,” he declared, leafing through a ‘newsletter’ that was in reality just another catalog. “Is there _anything_ in here that isn’t trying to sell me something?”

“Letter from the APA about their next conference,” Cal suggested. “Although they want money for that, too. Cossacks.”

Eli made a face at his husband’s attempted humor. “And they can’t even get my name right!” he complained, looking at the address label on one envelope. “Dr. Ellie O. Light. Who _is_ that?”

“I got one for Mrs. Kel Orangeli the other day,” Cal pointed out. “She must be—what?” Eli was staring at him with an expression of amusement. “What _is_ your problem?”

Eli was positively smirking now. “So… did Gillian get one of those blue raspberry slushies again this morning?” he asked, too innocently.

Cal narrowed his eyes at the younger man. “Yes,” he agreed slowly, mind racing to deduce the source of this knowledge.

“Your tongue is blue,” Eli revealed smugly. And since Cal would never touch those disgusting sugar concoctions himself… “I wonder what _else_ of yours is blue,” he speculated teasingly.

Cal’s eyes were crossed in his attempt to see the garish blue stain on his tongue. “The persistence of these dyes is scary,” he decided, not rising to Eli’s bait. “I should have Ria do some research on the matter.”

“Research on what?” Ria asked suddenly. This was apparently the popular time for checking one’s mail. “Oh, look, here’s one addressed to Mr. Rio Aurigelite. That’s nice and personal. So what did you want me to—what?” she asked in confusion, staring from one husband to the other. Eli had his hand over his mouth completely, practically holding his jaw shut, and Cal was gazing at her face with intense interest. “ _What?_ ”

“Your tongue is blue,” Eli finally choked out, and Ria rolled her eyes.

“Yes, Gillian gave me the rest of her blue slushie this morning,” she reported. “You find _that_ hilarious? You need to get out more,” she told them loftily. “Did you want me to look into something for you?” she asked Cal.

“No, nothing,” he assured her, at the same time turning away to chuck something into the recycle bin.

Ria gave the two men another suspicious look, then decided to give up on them. Probably some weird little in-joke anyway. She left for her office and the pile of work waiting for her.

As soon as she was gone Eli let out a noise that was half giggle, half sigh of disappointment. “You need better control,” Cal judged, leaning against the edge of the table next to the younger man.

“It caught me unawares, that’s all,” he claimed. “Besides, I _know_ you were thinking what _I_ was thinking.” Cal shrugged noncommittally but Eli deemed it a _yes_. “Do you think, really, they would ever…?” he asked hopefully.

“It _is_ nice to think about,” Cal replied instead.

For a moment the two men were quiet, just thinking. Then Eli shook himself. “Ah! I can’t do it. I’ll need a cold shower before I can work anymore.”

“Oh, the young and impetuous,” Cal smirked, far less obvious with his thoughts.

“But, _really_ …” Eli repeated leadingly, giving his husband a sideways look.

“Ask Gillian first,” Cal advised thoughtfully. “Have her ask Ria about it. Feel her out, as it were.” Eli groaned at the pun. Cal pushed away from the table. “Well, I’m headed home,” he announced, a bit smugly. “I’ll say hello to Gillian for you.”

“Hey, Cal,” Eli called after him, and the older man turned back. Eli’s expression was a mixture of suggestive and hesitant, and Cal didn’t even need to ask what he was thinking. “Would you—“

“No, sorry,” Cal replied, not unkindly, and Eli nodded with resignation. He would just have to content himself with the ladies.


End file.
